Are you unpopular? Does the opposite sex find you repellent? Would you like to keep it that way? If so, these shirts should do the trick. Choose-
color: green on black, black on green
insect: cockroach or cicada
size: 'youth small' to 'adult 3x'

also available: a limited number of first edition GLOW-IN-THE-DARK cockroach shirts (phosphor ink on black shirt, L + XL only)

customize your color here: M or F

tote bags

100% cotton bag with woven synthetic handles, printed on two sides. Be king o' the freeks at the record swap, or make a spectacle of yourself at the corner store. Rest assured, the day you begin sporting this accoutrement is the day your sex life will end. Will comfortably fit 10 (ten) records or 1 (one) severed head. Choose from cicada or cockroach, and whether you'd prefer black on green (pictured) or green on black.