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looks like 99 and 44/100 percent maggot, but closer inspection reveals it to be unscented glycerin soap, ready to dissolve into oblivion over the course of time in your bathroom sink for the greater good of keeping your hands clean and tidy.

Soap measures 3.75 x 1.75 x .75 inches. Packaged in a 4x2x2 gloss white box with a custom-printed label on the lid. Festively colored and shredded paper dunnage adds to the allure, while also protecting the details of your somewhat fragile work of art (this is soap, after all; the melting point is low enough that displaying it in direct sun or under a hot lamp should be avoided). Plus it's cheap.

Ships USPS First Class. Save big on shipping by ordering two or more. Makes the perfect gift for someone you don't know or even like very much, but you're obligated to give them a gift so whatever, this'll do.


Paypal and Direct.

Shipping from United States

Allow up to seven days between payment and shipment. You can contact me before purchasing to check if I can ship out sooner.

Domestic orders ship USPS First Class (unless weight or size necessitates Priority Mail or Parcel Post). International orders all ship via USPS First Class. If that's too slow, contact me before purchasing to arrange rush delivery.

Insurance is not included, and is the sole responsibility of the buyer to arrange before purchasing.

Returns & Exchanges

I gladly accept returns and exchanges

Just contact me within: 14 days of delivery

Ship items back to me within: 30 days of delivery

I don't accept cancellations

But please contact me if you have any problems with your order.

The following items can't be returned or exchanged

Because of the nature of these items, unless they arrive damaged or defective, I can't accept returns for:

  • Custom or personalized orders
  • Perishable products (like food or flowers)
  • Digital downloads
  • Intimate items (for health/hygiene reasons)

Returns and exchange details

I'll cancel any order on request with no questions asked, as long as it hasn't shipped yet. If you want to return something, send it to the return address on your shipping label at your own expense, and contact me to provide a tracking number. I'll refund the item cost when I receive it in undamaged, re-sellable condition.
Packages that are lost, delayed, or damaged by the postal service are not my responsibility to track or replace. But I try to be a nice guy, so contact me if there are any problems and we'll make a deal.


Not currently available for commissions.